Mindquest Trilogy I: Missing: Raven
by Raven's secret-keeper
Summary: When Raven leaves the Tower with no reason but leaves behind a note saying she's fine and her communicator, Dove, OC, has no idea what to make of it... and eventually, how to control her depression before it controls her. Part I of the Mindquest Trilogy.
1. Disappearing Act

_I'm sorry it took so long for this story to get up and running... I'm kind of limited, so please forgive me! I had to rewrite the whole story, and even now there's only one chapter now. Updates will come eventually, I swear, and it won't take forever again._

_This is the first story in a soon-to-be trilogy. All of the stories can be read separately or together, though._

_It was previously the "Toes" trilogy as a tribute to the book that inspired me on the last tale of the series. (Special thanks for **Tor Seidler,** the author!) But now the newly dubbed "Mindquest Trilogy" has cut those ties and is ready to soar on its own.  
_

_Read and Review,_

_**Raven's secret-keeper**_

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_******Missing: Raven**_

_**Chapter 1: Disappearing Act**_

Dove woke up at five in the morning. Sieara's nails were digging into her ear.

She rolled over away from the bird, but Sieara just hopped on top of Dove's head and pecked her chakra gem.

"God, Sieara, what's so important it can't wait until morning?" Dove asked impatiently.

Dove looked up at the bird's eyes and opened a telepathetic empathy. She saw into Sieara's mind, and saw that the bird had sensed something wrong. She had flown through the tower and found Raven's room, then noticed that the bed was empty. Raven was gone.

_Raven was gone._

Dove suddenly realized what it meant. "_**What**!_" She bolted up, knocking off Sieara, and put on her cloak before running out the door. When she reached Raven's room, she let the door open and looked in. She gasped softly; Raven wasn't in bed.

She ran to the bed, ignoring the rule about the room. "Raven?" she whispered tightly. "Raven, hello?" Not that she expected one, but there was no response. She did a quick telepathetic check in case Raven was in her mirror, but found nothing.

Dove ran out of the room and searched every other room in Titans' Tower from top to bottom.

Finally, she became frustrated and ran, breathing heavily, into Robin's room.

"Robin! Robin, wake up! Raven's gone!"

"What?" He sat up. In any other instance, Dove would've cared that his room was too dark for her to see any more than a silhouette..

"Raven's missing. She's not in her room. She's not in Titans' Tower."

"Dove, it's 5:30 in the morning. Are you sure you didn't miss her? Or maybe it was a dream."

"_No,_ Robin! She's _gone_!"

He sighed and opened his communicator. "You sure?"

"Yes, Robin! I'm _more_ than sure!"

"Alright… I'm putting on her locator signal." A few moments later, he said, "Dove, she's in her room."

"No she's not! Come on, I'll show you!"

They left the room, Dove almost running. She was feeling more anxious every moment.

Dove ran to the door of Raven's room, Robin at her heels. She ran in as soon as the automatic door opened; Robin stayed at the entrance.

"See? She's not." Dove saw a small, blinking red light beneath the pulled-back blanket. Dove lifted the blanket, and there was Raven's communicator.

Dove picked it up and ripped off a small piece of paper attached to it. "I told you," she said quietly. She gently set the communicator on the pillow and picked up the paper. She read the scrawled message and bowed her head.

"What does it say?" Robin asked.

Dove lifted her chin and read aloud the hurriedly scribbled words: "Titans, by the time you find this, I'll be gone. Please don't attempt to search me out or locate me. You won't be able to. Even if I hadn't left my communicator, the signal wouldn't reach where I'm going. I left it so you could find this note. I'm not in trouble, so don't worry. I'm safe. I can't say when I'll be back, but it will be soon. I promise. Raven."

Dove turned to Robin. "I have no idea where she went… What about the locator in her gem? The one on her robe?"

"It's in here, too. Wherever she is, she left us no way to find her."

"She said she'd be safe…" Dove sighed.

"You should try to get some sleep. We have combat practice tomorrow."

Dove nodded and yawned. She left the room, and the two teammates parted.

_She said she's okay…_ Dove tried to convince herself by thinking over and over again that Raven wasn't in danger as she made her way sleepily back to her room.

_She said that she'd be back soon._ She took off her cape and lay down. _She promised, and she's never broken a promise to me, ever. _That thought comforted her, and she thought the last word a couple more times before falling asleep.

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_**-Raven's secret-keeper**_


	2. Growing Fears

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_**Missing: Raven**_

_**Chapter 2: Growing (and growing and growing) Fears**_

Dove woke up a little after eight o'clock. She stretched, dressed, and went downstairs for breakfast with Sieara on her shoulder.

As she entered the kitchen, she heard Robin talking to Starfire about Raven, but tuned them out as she made herself some toast and herbal tea. As she took her plate to the table, she forced herself to think _Raven's safe_ over and over again. By the time she set her breakfast down on the table, she realized it was true, Raven had said so herself.

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As the next three days went by, the other team members were wondering where Raven had gone, but Dove didn't have a single fearful thought about it. The only things she thought about Raven were _I wonder when she'll be back_ and _what's she doing that's so secret she didn't tell me…?_ And her thoughts were out of curiosity, not anxiety. Life went on with little more than confusion – Raven had said in her note that she was fine, she promised, and they trusted her.

But on the fourth day of Raven's absence, Dove began to feel worried. Frightening thoughts entered her mind. _How soon is soon…? What if she got really hurt? What if she was taken captive? She doesn't have her communicator, so what if something goes really wrong?!_

"Dove, are you okay? You're not eating," Robin asked. Dove was just holding the pizza in her hand, the other supporting her head.

"I… I'm not hungry…" Dove put down the pizza and left for her room.

She sat down on her bed and sighed. She crossed her legs, put her fingers in the proper position, and began chanting.

Even as she chanted Azarath Metrion Zinthos and was supposed to keep her mind clear, she couldn't help thinking nervously, _I hope Raven's okay, wherever she is…_

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The minute she stood up, she knew something was wrong with her. She realized how empty and alone she felt without Raven to talk to, and this time there was no sister to tell her feelings to, no comforting and soft or at least understanding words to help her, no gently guiding arms to fall into. And she felt blank. She couldn't sense Raven's soul, and she suddenly fell back into her old loneliness.

Only this time, it was worse.

She had lost something very dear to her and lost her closest friend for the second time in her life. And she began longing for Raven and missed her more than ever.

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Robin knocked on her door.

"Hm?" Dove looked up from the book she was reading, but barely comprehending, on her bed.

"Are you coming down for dinner?"

"No… I'm not hungry."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Well, okay… But if there's anything wrong…"

"I know."

Robin couldn't help noticing that Dove's personality had changed dramatically. She suddenly seemed a lot less ready to talk and express herself – usually, she hardly held back.

It didn't take a genius to figure out what was wrong.

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After dinner, Robin told the others about his observations. The bond the sisters had was amazing, too – normally Raven would keep away from anyone nearly as close as Dove was. But he also told them to leave her alone for a while. It was obvious how much Dove was like Raven, and Raven liked – or forced – to have space when something was upsetting her.

Starfire seemed concerned for Raven, but Robin assured her that Raven said she was safe.

Cyborg responded he wasn't sure – she had tendency to understate things or do anything to keep the team from worrying and not let them know she was hurt, mentally or physically, or if anything was wrong at all.

"But she promised, didn't she?" Beast Boy mused.

Robin nodded. "And she said she was safe."

"So what're we worrying about?" Cyborg asked.

"I'm concerned about the fact that she said she would be back _soon_."

Starfire chimed in. "But what does soon mean to Raven? Perhaps it is different than our terms."

"Maybe."

Cy asked, "So, should we give it a little more time?"

"Yeah, before we start worrying?" Beast Boy added.

Robin hesitated, then nodded. "At least wait for a few more days, and if she's not back by the end of the week, _then _we'll worry."

The others nodded.

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Dove spent the next two days meditating to keep her heightening emotions in check or reading – often rereading sentences at a time and hardly understanding it – in a desperate attempt to distract her mind from Raven's absence. She didn't leave her room except to use the restroom, and the others became concerned. She wasn't eating anything and she had stopped making herself tea in the morning; obviously she was tense and unable to relax. The never saw her in the hall even when she did come out – she was avoiding contact with anyone else. Robin managed to get her to keep some water bottles in her room so she wouldn't dehydrate herself, but when they tried to get her to eat, she took a bite, forced it down, and shook her head before leaving the room. Suddenly it wasn't just about her mind.

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_**-Raven's secret-keeper**_


	3. Fears turn to Rage

_I'll make a reference to Raven getting sick in this chapter. That incident is in my previous story, "Sketchbook Story: Mystery Sickness."_

_And I'm really sorry it's so short! I'm just hitting a delicate point in the story, and I found a perfect spot to leave you wondering…_

_Read and Review,_

_**Raven's secret-keeper**_

_**Missing: Raven**_

_**Chapter 3: Fears turn to Rage**_

By the seventh day, there was absolutely no part of her that could ignore it. She tried watching TV, but she could only think of Raven. She had given up trying to read and, frustrated by her futile attempts, she began using her mirror as a place to meditate and stay in solitude – that's what it's for, right? – and it was a little easier to focus on herself and keep her emotions under reign. But it didn't help her keep her mind off Raven for long. After a while, she couldn't contain her thoughts and her mind kept wandering back to her missing sister.

Quickly becoming desperate, she left her mental manifestations and began writing, mostly random scraps of thought with a few lyrical quotes thrown in. It only helped a little, but bit every bit counts. She still felt a little better, though it wasn't much… And she sighed, realizing exactly how much the others had noticed a change in her for the first time, now that her head was a bit clearer and thought was easier. She put her papers and pen back on the shelf before going downstairs – she needed a change of scenery, and her room was private, but she had spent too much time training with Raven in there, and reminders were the last thing she needed.

She went into the main room and sat in front of the window before staring blankly out it. For some reason, she felt _numb_. Raven's absence had a major impact on her, especially now that they were forming the soul-to-soul bond, and her emotions had taken a sharp turn towards desperation. And as if it weren't already enough, all this stress and frustration was making her feel… _bitter_. She could feel the irritability rising inside before it actually surfaced, and she hoped the others might still be able to give her some space. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt one of them. She had only known them for two months or so, but she still cared.

After a few minutes, Dove began wondering what she was even doing here and realized that she was looking for Raven, hoping against all the odds in existence that she could catch a glimpse of Raven's indigo cloak or her ebony soul-self soaring over the city, or if she could even know why Raven had even left she would be a bit relieved.

_What if she never really healed...?_

Remembering when Raven had "fallen ill" because she wasn't used to sensing Dove's soul, and just when they thought she would get better, she had a relapse.

_What if she got sick again?_ Dove couldn't help feeling an amazingly familiar tug of regret; she still knew that Raven _never_ would have been suffering if she hadn't come.

_Azar, what if she **did** get sick again, and she just wanted to leave so she could get better, and – maybe that's why she said she'd be safe…_

She bit her lip at the next thought that surfaced in her mind.

_What if she's **never** going to get all the way better…? And it's my fault! I never should have - !_

Robin came into the room and interrupted her thoughts. "Dove?" He didn't have to look very hard to see how nervous she was.

She looked his way. "Yeah?"

"What's – Is there anything wrong?"

"Well, not… I don't know… I'm just worrying, that's all…"

"You know, you really should eat something. It's been way too long."

"Robin, I _can't_. I'm really not hungry."

"Can you at least try? Just once."

"I did." Dove heard the iciness in her own voice and looked away, almost afraid of herself.

"Dove, you're going to starve yourself."

"I'll live."

"Please, Dove, at least try again. You're really going to get yourself sick."

"No, I mean it. I don't feel hungry. _At all_." She put heavy emphasis on the last words, suddenly trying to keep herself from yelling at him like her impulses were screaming at her to do.

"Dove, are you okay? Are you sure you don't want to talk?"

"Yes!" Dove sighed frustratedly and realized how loud her voice was. "I'm sorry, Robin, it's just – I need to meditate…" She took brisk steps to the door and nearly ran to her room, suddenly feeling how dangerously vivid her emotions were.

_I'm going to lose control if I can't figure out how to get this thing calmed down! But I can't… Oh, this is really bad… My mind's all over the place, I'm going to give in, come on Dove, calm down… I need to talk to Ra –_

She half growled at herself in her anxiety and frustration, remembering that that was impossible. Raven wasn't there to give her pointers and tell her what to do.

_Without her… my powers! Oh, this is just perfect… I'm getting too close! Raven, why couldn't it wait until I was better at this on my own?_ Her near-anger began melting back into desperation, only this time, it was to keep herself from giving into her demon side.

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_**-Raven's secret-keeper**_


	4. Almost Nothing Left

_Don't go thinking love thoughts here… (You'll see.) _

_Read and Review, _

_**Raven's secret-keeper**_

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**_Missing: Raven _**

_**Chapter 4: Almost Nothing Left**_

Dove half-ran into her room and immediately went to her bedside table and grabbed her mirror and stared at her reflection. After being pulled into the mental world, she looked around in desperation, praying that it hadn't already gotten out of her control. Everything seemed normal, save the air being a bit crisper and the wind a little chillier.

"Thank Azar…" She bowed her head and sighed in desolation and partial regret. "At least it's not... too far…" Her voice cracked and she bit her lip to avoid crying. "She said she'd be back soon… This isn't soon! Raven, why?!" She shouted the last words to the sky with frustration and began looking at the infinite space with her eyes open as if she was actually expecting an answer. She breathed a couple of heavy breaths and let her head fall again. "Are you ever coming back…?" Her voice was soft and hardly audible, even to her own ears. She began to realize the hopelessness of this and began wondering if it was hopeless for herself. Would she _ever_ find somewhere that she could stay forever…?

She put her head in her hands and sighed shakily, feeling the tears coming on and decided to let them fall.

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She was too numb to actually think about it, so she left her mind after a half hour and wiped her tears off her face before going back down to the main room. _Great… There's not even anything I can do to help this… _She sat on the couch and sighed heavily.

"Dove?" Robin asked.

She looked at him miserably, not even bothering to try and hide her emotions – not like it would work anyway…

"You look… upset."

"You think?"

"We're-"

"Raven's been gone for a week now. Did you honestly expect me to be able to get used to it?"

"No-"

"Has she ever been gone like this before?"

"No, but she _has_ acted strange."

"Do you think she's okay…?"

"Dove, I'm sure she's fine. But we're going start searching for her just in case."

"She told you to not even try. Remember? The letter said – Robin, we won't be able to find her."

"Maybe she was wrong."

"Robin, I highly doubt that."

"She's been wrong before."

"But why? Not like this... Robin, it's not like she's some lost puppy with a GPS signal or something. She's Raven. She probably went to some other dimension."

"What makes you think-?"

"I guess we could just say that our lives – mine and Raven… Well, they're sort of weird…. A lot of things happen just… out of nowhere… like Raven disappearing…" Dove closed her eyes and took in a shaky breath, suddenly afraid that she was about to burst into tears again.

"Are you okay?"

"Maybe…"

"What's going-?"

"I have no idea, Robin!" She got up and stood with her arms folded and looked out the window. "I really don't know…" She blinked and felt a few tears drip down her cheeks. "Look, I… I'm sorry if I yelled, but… I just don't know what to do… I'm struggling against myself for control, and Raven's not here to help me regain it… and I'm all mixed up, in my mind, my soul... I'm just a little disoriented by all this. Please, forgive me… I'm really sorry, I can't help it."

"I do forgive you, and if there's anything I can do for you… I really want to help you."

Dove turned to him. "Uh, thanks…" She wiped her eyes and sighed. "There's not anything to tell… I just miss Raven."

"Dove, we all do."

"Probably not like this…"

"You'd be surprised."

"Oh, I know that you're all such good friends, don't get me wrong… But it's just – I'm so used to sensing her and finally feeling like there was someone who knew what I could do about myself and who actually understood all of my problems, and then she just leaves, and the fact that she did it right after she just got better from that weird sickness…"

"Are you thinking she left because of you?"

"Well, sort of… okay, yeah." She looked at him. "Sorry, I'm not used to just telling people about me, unless, you know, it's Raven… or my mother…"

"I know exactly what you mean."

"Yeah, sure, _that's_ believable."

"You probably won't believe it, but there has been a lot that happened in my life that no one else knows about."

"Oh… I won't ask you to tell me. You guys hardly know me… Raven's about the only one I've ever actually gotten to know since I left Azarath."

"Well, we're all here together, and you'll get to know the others, and we're all more than happy to get to know you."

"I'll bet Starfire is especially."

Robin nodded. "You're not as clueless as you think."

Dove chuckled, then sighed. "You know, I think this might be helping, but there's no way I can just replace-"

"Dove, I'm not asking you to replace her at all."

"Sorry, I'm just that upset... I can't stop thinking about her."

"You're doing fine though, right…?"

"As fine as I can get." Dove bit her lip. "Look, I think I really need to meditate-"

"You've been meditating all day."

"This isn't easy for me," Dove said tightly as she left the room.

Dove decided she needed to try relaxing her mind instead of her hollow attempts to numb it and went outside, where she couldn't sense anyone's soul and would be less likely to slip up with her power. She meditated shakily for a while, pushing away any thoughts that came and biting her tongue anytime she even began thinking of Raven.

Still, she felt a little depressed. The feeling clung tightly to her mind and refused to let go. When she felt too blank to possibly think anymore, she stood up and hoped that she wouldn't – it was futile. She wasn't nearly as experienced with her powers and keeping her mind under tight rein to withstand the pressure of Raven's sudden absence. Maybe it would've been easier if she was warned, but now it was just far too much weight for her to bear on her shoulders. She was too upset to even notice the storm forming in the sky. Slowly, thoughts began seeping past her poorly formed mental barrier. Raven entered her mind once more.

Tears began forming in the bottom of her eyes. _I miss Raven with all I am… When is she going to be back?_ She looked into the sky. Wind played with her cloak and a crack of thunder cracked in the sky. Raindrops began dripping down around her.

"Oh, Raven, I miss you so much…" She closed her eyes and let a tear fall to the sand. "Please, for the love of Azar, come home…" She exhaled shakily and sobbed softly as the rain thickened and the drops grew heavier. She listened to the drops and sighed, part of her comforted and the other half becoming even more pained. The gentle rhythm didn't interrupt her flashbacks, her memories of Raven's soft smile, and the thunder only reminded her of the way Raven would always comfort her and train her regardless of how hopeless she seemed and how much control she lost over her powers. She remembered the way Raven had tensed when she first threw her arms around her and the almost maternal yet still distanced care that Raven had displayed at first. Days and weeks of training sessions flew through her mind, and hours of watching in fascination as Raven displayed the right way to do things were brought to mind. She remembered the extreme privilege it was when Raven told her a bit of her past, and the hope she had felt when Raven refused to let Dove go back away from the tower just because she wasn't feeling well. And it all began to force her control farther into nonexistence.

"Raven, Raven, Raven, no, _no_, **_why_**?!" She collapsed to her knees and screamed it to the blackened sky, then she put her head in her hands and sobbed, not noticing and suddenly unable to care about the bolts of white energies flickering around her body. The wet sand shifted under her legs, and as she repositioned herself in a more stable position, her telepathetic abilities seemed to explode and she could sense a presence somewhere in the tower moving closer –

She gasped and stood up before fiercely trying to wipe her tears away and trying to make herself look at least semi-normal. It was nearly impossible. Her tears were mingling with the rain and she had hardly felt them; she hadn't even realized how intense her emotions were. She closed her eyes and held her breath in a desperate attempts to stop the energy and clear her mind, but it didn't work. She ran her hand through her hair and whimpered tearfully. _At least I'm not in the tower… I won't hurt anyone.. .right…? _

She sensed that the soul was Robin's and turned her head to look at the door just before Robin stuck his out of the tower.

"Dove? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yes. I'm fine. I don't need any help."

"You know, you should come inside."

"No, I'd rather be out here. Alone."

"Well, okay.. If you're sure."

Dove nodded.

"Don't you hate thunderstorms?"

"I can deal with it. It's nothing compared to how much I miss Raven."

Robin looked at her intently and she turned away from him.

He realized that she wouldn't be willing to tell him anything else and he shut the door.

Dove muttered, too softly to hear, "Or how much I need to stay sane…"

The energy bolts wrapped around her. One strayed away and hovered in the air like white lightning before fizzling back to her body.

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**_-Raven's secret-keeper_**


	5. Nevermore pt II

_Heh... Had to rename chapter 4 because the name fits this one so much better!!!_

_NOT a songfic!!! The song I chose for this just sort of fits. I really considered My Immortal, but Amy Lee actually wrote the song I picked for her dead sister, and it's a song of mourning - and what more is Dove doing? By the way, if you want to skip the song section, feel free to jump over the whole italic section that's marked off with actual rulers (and not my usual dotted line)._

_Yes, Dove and Raven both have the mirrors. Long story short: Dove's mother asked Azar how Raven's worked and figured out how to create a way for Dove to literally get inside herself._

_Any of Dove's thoughts in this chapter aren't meant to imply that it's what Raven thought in the situation; remember that they're two very separate people._

_Read and Review, _

_**Raven's secret-keeper** _

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_**Missing: Raven **_

_**Chapter 5: Nevermore pt. II** _

It had finally happened.

Dove walked into the tower, soaking wet and drained both mentally and physically. She was exhausted from all this stress and had lost all hope she may have been clinging onto.

_Why does everyone make it all seem the same? The world isn't the same… it's so different. _

In every single book she had ever read where someone was gone, the other characters had wondered why the world still went on. To her, the world still went on, but it either left her behind or went on in a completely new way.

_My world… blank… I can't even begin to think about how different it is… Azar, I feel so numb, so empty… She's not coming back. _

She had realized it in the long hour she had stood in the storm, and she had only come inside because it stopped raining and the sun hurt her eyes.

"Dove -?"

She heard Beast Boy's call and continued walking with her hood pulled up.

"Hey, uh, Robin told us – why did you go outside? Wasn't it really raining?"

"Yeah…" _Nature doesn't stop just because something bad happened._ "Please, Beast Boy, I'm begging you… just leave me alone right now, okay?"

"Uh –"

Dove turned the corner and he let his unfinished sentence hang in the heavy silence.

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Dove walked to her room and sat on her bed. She looked around her room and sighed. She could feel herself falling deeper into dangerous emotional pain, but she couldn't bring herself out of it. Regardless of how many times she meditated a day, no matter how much she tried to write, despite all her desperate attempts at redirecting her mind, she couldn't push back the overwhelming feeling of knowing that her powers would go awry any minute. All she could do was pray that she didn't hurt anyone.

She lay on her bed and sighed. She closed her eyes and let a few more tears fall before dropping into an uneasy sleep.

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She woke up with a yelp. The sound of Sieara flying around had pulled her back to reality and away from her dream.

A bolt of energy flickered through her room.

"Azar, no! Come _on!_"

She closed her eyes and only managed to pull it closer to her body. It still flickered around wildly, her emotions blocking any control she tried to get it under.

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Raven had been gone for a week now. All of the others began to search for her DNA, regardless of how many times Dove had told them exactly how pointless it was, basically the same way she had told Robin.

Dove was always staring off into space when she stood by the window. They all had tried to cheer her up, but the closest they ended up getting was Robin being able to distract her mind before the storm.

Beast Boy tried to feign optimism for Raven's absence and he tried joking about it, but it only caused her to give him a tearful but deadly glare and leave the room.

"Why do they always end up leaving _me _here…?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The next day, the others still searched for Raven's energy signature, but the team – especially Starfire – began worrying.

And sensing their emotions wasn't helping Dove's nearly lacking control. Every single thought sent her powers flying through the room and resulted in stares.

"I-I'm sorry – I just – I can't –" She sighed frustratedly.

"Perhaps I may be of some assistance," Starfire offered.

"No, I'm sure –"

"I was once trapped inside Raven's body, and I needed to maintain control over her powers –"

"Starfire, it won't work," Dove said as she tried putting a forcefield around herself to stop the bolts from breaking something. The energies she knowingly brought only appeared for a second before fizzling back into nonexistence. "My problem isn't _getting_ them under control, it's _keeping_ them that way."

"Looks to me like you can't even get them under control right about now," Cyborg said right before he jumped away to avoid getting slashed by a stray bolt.

"Sorry! No, I can't do that either…"

"You just said you could!" Beast Boy yelled.

"I'm a little messed up right now, _sorry_!" She gave him a look of utter distain. "Something tells me you have almost no idea what it's like."

"Actually -"

"I said almost; I know about Terra -"

"How-!?"

"Powers going insane, reading your mind, again, I'm sorry… I just - can't – get this – _ah!"_ She yelped at the feeling of another bolt being released. "I should go!" She sounded desperate. "I should really leave the tower before I blow something radioactive up on all of us and -"

"Okay, first of all, we don't _have_ anything radioactive –" Dove glared at him, causing a spark to fly dangerously close to his head – "and, uh, second of all, won't you leaving only make it worse?"

"At least I won't hurt you guys. Unless I get my powers under control, then I just might hurt you."

Beast Boy laughed nervously.

"Dove, do not leave us again," Starfire pleaded.

"Why –At least until I know how to do this on my -"

"Why not just come back when Raven does?" Cyborg asked.

The energy bolts thickened, and Dove closed her eyes tightly. "Because she's probably _never_ **_coming_** back!" She bit her lip and ran out of the room trailing the energies and leaving the air in the main room cold and electric from the unnatural energies she so unwillingly released.

* * *

_**Hello**_

_Playground school bell rings_

_again_

_rain clouds come to play_

_again_

_Has no one told you she's not breathing?_

_Hello, I'm your mind giving you_

_someone to talk to_

_Hello_

_-----_

_If I smile and don't_

_believe_

_soon I know I'll wake_

_from this dream_

_Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken_

_Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide_

_Don't cry_

_-----_

_Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping_

_Hello, I'm still here_

_all that's left of yesterday

* * *

_

Dove ran outside to the obstacle course that she once refused to use – she had absolutely no intention of fighting, being Azarathean at heart and therefore a pacifist – and ran to the middle of it. She fell to her knees and sobbed to herself, praying that her energies weren't as strong as they felt as they left her body.

_I have to get this under control! My other side – Azar, I've been told since birth by both my mother **and** Srentha how much I need to stay in control of my emotions – I'm going to give in if I don't get these feelings under reign – Who am I trying to fool…? Without Raven, I'm about as skilled as the dirt... I have no idea what to do… Starfire said she knew how to – No, I know how to meditate, but that didn't help, so why should Starfire's knowledge-? _

One of the energies ricocheted off the stand where the controls were and Dove gasped.

_This can't get much worse, **can** it… Well, I could've given in by now, but I feel so close that it doesn't really matter. _

She suddenly felt a strange and unusual mental sensation, and stood up in confusion. Somehow she felt… oddly braver.

_What in Azar's name-?! _

She looked at herself and wondered if there was some odd effect all these emotions had on her and couldn't help wondering if she really _was_ going insane.

Having absolutely no idea what to make of it, she decided to go into her mirror and check things out again.

When she arrived in the mental world, she looked around and tried to see what was going on. There were golden-tinted patches in the deep navy-blue infinite sky, and white stars were scattered across it. The air was a lot colder than usual and a cold breeze played with her hair. The structures that rose from the ground were thin and vertical, rough, sharply pointed rocks, almost as tall as Dove. The dark brown beneath her feet was rough and looked like dusty glass. She looked at the rocks that usually stood alone and realized they were formed in a path already –

_Oh, no… Beast Boy, I swear I'm going to kill you! _

He was her first instict. After all, he was always curious and mischievous, and he probably came to her room looknig for her and found the mirror or something... She followed the path, hoping that he at least wasn't too far in already and hadn't found a certain side of her soul…

She looked at one of the arc-like structures and noticed that the doves on top of it were black instead of the normal snow-white color and sighed, once more being reminded of the white bolts flying around her and hoping with all her desperation that she might be able to at least control them.

Farther down the path she saw one of the arcs and blinked, wondering how far Beast Boy had gotten – if it really was him and not Robin learning from reading in the restricted files again like he did when Raven was sick…

She didn't want to see exactly what the different facets of her personalities were like when she was almost as far from normal as she could go, and she stopped at the arc before actually passing under it.

The scenery didn't change much, but she could almost feel which part of her mind this was if the slight alterations weren't enough. The sky became more colorful and the stars blinked a different color each time the winked in and out of sight. Instead of walking on the rock, she was now walking on a dark marbled tile, and rows and rows of books littered the carpet on the sides of the path ahead.

_I haven't been thinking like this in so long... _

It was her rational and reasonable self. For the past few days, she had pretty much been desperate - irrational and unreasonable. Walking through her own mind like this was a bit comforting, and she realized exactly how pathetic she had been acting for the past week and a day.

_Why do I even let myself get like that? Because I can't help it..._ She sighed and wondered why she was so much better at controlling herself when Raven was around. Being in this single state of mind helped, and after awhile she figured it out. _When she's here, I know that if I mess up, she'll help me make it right... But now I can't even figure out what I'm doing wrong right now... I know I can't exactly help myself... And then I'm so much more afraid of something happening..._

She passed under another arc and the sky resumed its navy-blue and white-starred appearance. She sighed and continued on, now wondering why she hadn't been following Raven's instructions and lessons from when before she left.

_I really should be controlling myself better… Hey, if Beast Boy is still here, why am I -? I should be looking for him, not walking aimlessly! _

She closed her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths and realized that her powers were starting to settle down.

_I guess this place really **is** more focused… What's going to happen when I get out though? Will I still be fine when I'm **not** in my own mind? _

Then something in her mind clicked.

_Maybe I will… I'm thinking so much clearer now… Then will my powers work…? _

She stopped before taking a few more breaths and she felt the energy bolts fading away, and she chanted Azarath Metrion Zinthos and rose up slowly into the air. She looked down and smiled at herself, then she flew over the path and the arcs.

After passing over four arcs, she saw Beast Boy – and a little surprisingly, along with Cyborg – talking to a figure of herself dressed in hot pink. The figure looked over her shoulders and waved at the boys before disappearing, right before Dove landed in front of them.

"You know, you guys should probably get out," she said as she touched down.

"Oh, no you don't!" Cyborg said.

"What…?" Dove blinked at him.

"We pretty much went through this whole thing with Raven," Beast Boy told her.

"What are you guys _talking_ about?"

Beast Boy answered her. "There was this once when Raven was going psycho, and then we went into her mirror and we kinda helped her back to normal."

"Raven?" Dove tilted her head doubtfully. _She never mentioned - _

"Yes, Raven," Cyborg replied. "Ya know, she has her moments too."

"What exactly did you guys – " The ground shook. The doves perched on an arc overhead flew off and scattered.

Dove looked anxious. "We need to leave. Now!"

The boys glanced at each other and told her that they knew what was going on.

"Huh?" Dove glanced around. "I'm not sure you get - "

"Yeah we do!"

Dove sighed. "And why should I trust that?"

"Because the exact same thing happened with Raven!"

"Exact?" Dove shifted and looked at Beast Boy questionably.

"Yeah. This big – her father came and we fought him, but got our butts kicked, then she -" The ground shook again.

"Guys, _get out! _I'm sure I can handle -"

"Look," Cyborg told her. "We aren't going to leave you here to try it and lose. Raven did the same thing. Well, until she did this thing and she won -"

"Do you guys have any idea what she was thinking?"

The boys looked confused.

"You know, when she won! What exactly was going through her -"

A pool of red energies formed in the air and Dove yelled. "We need to – Come on!" She ran behind one of the vertical structures and the boys glanced at each other before following her.

"So, how did she manage to beat -"

Beast Boy jumped in. "I told her that maybe she could beat him if all she joined all her sides together."

"How did she do that…?"

"Well, she did something really fancy and then all her different sides appeared. She did some weird hand movements, and they all sort of went into the air and swirled around her and went into her."

"That didn't help me much… I don't know how to do all those things! I don't think… You never finished telling me what she was thinking…" She looked around the thin rock and jerked her head back.

"He's out there?"

"Yeah, he's out there." She sighed. "How Raven was thinking -"

"How's _that_ going to help you defeat this thing?"

"This world is only a manifestation of my mind, and thoughts and emotions are literally self-fulfilling prophecy."

They glanced at each other confused and unsurely. Beast Boy started. "She seemed all nervous and hopeless and we were getting our butts kicked until she got the other sides together." Cyborg chimed in. "She seemed more confident and determined then, and she began kicking _his_ butt. Ya think that's gonna help you win?"

Dove reached into their minds and saw the motions Raven had done. She thought with a bit of astonishment, then nodded. "Yeah, I do. Maybe I won't be able to win, but at least I can try. And I'm thinking maybe if I… I might be able to pull my selves together."

They nodded hopefully as she stepped a bit farther back from the rock and closed her eyes before taking a breath.

_If I channel my anger, I can use my powers and they'll be as strong as anything I've ever – focus… _

She cleared her mind and pushed back any thoughts threatening to surface. She focused on herself and mentally reached out to her selves and summoned them forward. She pulled them to where she was and pushed away a hint of doubt. She remembered the boys saying something about arm motions as she sensed her actions were becoming successful. She kept her eyes closed as she crossed her arms over her chest and mimicked the motions she had seen in their memories.

A strange sensation spread through her as she rose above the ground and hovered in the air. She continued the movements as she felt like she was being pulled everywhere at once, then snapped back to a single piece and there was a bright flash of white light just before she felt her feet touching the ground.

She felt strange and a bit unusual, but forced those feelings away from her mind and focused on the situation at hand. She obviously had to battle this thing and win, or else - she didn't even want to think about what would happen.

She stepped out from behind the rock and a bit of fear set in as she fully saw her huge opponent. A towering red-skinned demon clad in a black and gray loincloth, steel wristbands, and a belt similar to the one on Dove's body along with a chakra jewel on his forehead faced her. The four red eyes glowing ominously and a threateningly overpowering stance had enough confidence that it chased away all that Dove was feeling only a moment ago.

_I can't do this, what if I lose and completely fail, what if I can't overcome this...?_

She yelped and dodged a ray of red energies that the eyes fired at her and she ran behind another of the vertical structures.

_Azar, I can't do this!_

"Dove, what're you _doing_?!" Beast Boy screamed.

"I-I can't do this -"

"Need a hand?" Cyborg held up his arm as it tranformed into his signature cannon.

"Tha'd help, but - I'm not a fighter at all!"

"We kinda noticed," Beast Boy told her.

Dove looked from them to her father just in time to jump out from behind and avoid being striken by another ray of energy, but the force of the blast from it hitting the rock sent her hurling forward and she landed on her stomach.

"I can't do this!" Her voice was desperate and almost a yell as she got up and threw a force-field over herself, once more barely avoiding a blast of energy.

The demon roared and Dove let her shield go and flew over to the others.

"You need to get out! I can't handle this! I'm sorry!"

"Dove, maybe if you actually fought this one out, you can win."

"What does it look like I'm doing!?"

"Running."

Dove looked at them in pure desolation, then she sighed.

"Alright, I'll - Watch -!" She tossed up another shield of energy, and this blast was powerful enough to shatter Dove's protection and knock them to the ground.

"Alright, go!" she yelled. They all got up and split up, Dove taking to the air and Beast Boy morphing into a pteridactyl and carrying Cyborg up with him.

Dove began shooting rays of energy towards the demon and Cyborg began firing. Dove's first shot hit it, but it repelled the rest with its wristbands and then shot its own ray towards her. She dodges it, but then a barrage of energy spheres rushed towards her. She gasps and narrowly avoids being shot down, then the monster stops for a moment. Dove stops to catch her breath and tries to stay alert, but he shot a swift ray of energy towards her. She tried to avoid it, but the shot hit home and sent her backwards. She barely managed to regain control before she was slammed into one of the protrusions and avoided another shot.

Cyborg's blasts seemed to have finally affected him; the demon turned to him and let loose another roar before shooting a few blasts of his own their way. Beast Boy dodged for his life and Cyborg continued firing.

Dove glided to the ground and caught her breath. She watched in hopeless wonder at how Raven had managed to do this and -

_Raven could do it... Why can't I? _She thought for a few more frustrated moments before a wave of confidence crashed down. _Why **can't** I?!_

She rose into the air before unleashing a torrent of energy blasts upon her daddy not-so-dearest.

"The bigger they are, the harder they fall!" she called, and she chanted "Azarath Metrion Zinthos" and shot a continuous stream of her powers towards him.

He growled loudly and took his arms over his head as a large sphere of crackling electicity forms between them, then he fired it at Dove. She stopped just long enough to dodge it, then she fired another volley of her powers.

Cyborg began firing his cannon once more, and again he caught the demon's attention. He raised his arm to block the shot, and Dove shot around him and fired another relentless stream of her energies at his chest. He roared the loudest yet and fired his own ray at her, and she manages to full-on block it this time. He fires a constant beam towards her with both hands and they play a sort of deadly tug of war. The beam inches towards Dove, then she closes her eyes tightly and let out a primal yell and pulls every bit of energy she could from any reservoir in her entire soul and puts it all into the white beam flowing from her hands. It broadens ever so slightly, but it forces the beam a bit closer to the center and a bit closer to her unholy adversary every moment. She let all of her strength flow into the ray, and another beam burst forth from her mouth. She groaned with exhersion, and the beam began pulsing more and more, and then it suddenly pushed the energies into the demonic form.

There was a blinding flash of light, and view returned to show that it had become a copy of Dove, this one with a dark-red cape and four glowing eyes. The figure disinegrated into a bolt of energy that shot into the gem on Dove's cloak, and there was a final flash of light.

Dove put a hand to her head and moaned softly. She collapsed to her knees, completely breathless as Beast Boy flew down and Cyborg got off his back before he morphed back into human form.

"Dove, you okay?" Cyborg asked.

Dove looked up and blinked wearily. "A little shaky and weak, but... yeah..."

They helped her up and she sighed. "I-I'm sorry I've been such a hassle lately..." She whimpered and rubbed her head. "I don't think I've ever fought like that before..." She tottered, and Beast Boy caught her and helped her up.

"You sure you're alright?"

"I think I"ll be fine... I need some rest or something, though..."

"What would 'something' be?"

"I don't know... Relaxation and maybe some tea or... I don't know..."

"I can make it."

"Really...?" She looked at him gratefully.

"Yeah. Raven has stashes of her herbal tea in the cupboards, so - Oh..."

"Don't worry... I think I'll be fine about that, too... Sort of..." She bowed her head. "I still miss her, though."

"I think we all sorta miss her."

"Didn't her note say she was fine?" Cyborg tossed in.

"Yeah... I think she's fine, really," Dove said.

"Earlier you thought she wasn't ever coming back."

"Earlier I was fighting myself and I was too busy being upset to think with anything but time, and now I realize that she's probably really okay."

Cyborg nodded. "Whaddya say we get outta here?"

Dove smiled. "I say definately."

They headed for the arc with an appearance of a more semi-sphere than an arc, and a vortex lit up inside it just before they passed under it.

The vortex transported them back to Dove's room.

"Guys? Hey, um.. Thanks for helping me out... I couldn't have done it without a little help, even if it's from you, Beast Boy."

"So, you don't really think I'm funny either, huh...?"

"I take it you _really_ met my other sides... And no. Sorry."

"Well, anything to help a friend, even if she won't laugh at me."

"Oh, I'll laugh at you. Just not your jokes."

"Yeah, she'll be fine," Cyborg said.

Dove nodded and looked out her window, a sense of victory and triumph glistening just above her feelings of belonging and maybe even a discrete hint of friendship. She felt as if she would almost never fear her demonic heritage again, and a thought crossed her mind that she never would have considered even an hour ago.

_Maybe it won't be so bad without Raven after all..._

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -Review please- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**_-Raven's secret-keeper _**

_**A/N:** (I don't usually do this, but_ _I can't help myself) **YES!!!!! **-does the v-for-victory sign and dances around- Nevermore has always been one of my favorites, and YES, the triumph! Oh yes! (By the way, sorry if it seemed too much like the episode...)_

_**P.S.** Don't let me get your hopes down._

_**Now, please review! I'll be eternally grateful!**_

**_RSK_**


	6. Healing

_Sorry it took so long to update – to make up for that, I made it a lot longer than my usual chapters, and it's __**so**__ much fuller!!! It was sort of hard for me to pull off and still keep everyone in character at the same time…. Please review and tell me how I did! It was pretty hard for some reason, and I really want to know how it turned out. Thanks for putting up with the long span of no updates._

_The reference to the mission Dove went on with the team is in Unforeseen Surprises._

_I mention the medieval guillotine – that's the beheading thing._

_Read and Review,_

**_Raven's secret-keeper_**

**- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
**

_**Missing: Raven**_

**_Chapter 6: Healing_**

Dove was reading on the couch in the main room, contentment in her gaze for the first time in awhile. Since the revitalizing victory, she felt a lot better about Raven's absence. Maybe Raven wasn't coming home soon, but at least she knew that she wasn't just _there_ at the tower, she was surrounded by people who care about her as a friend, not just another human being. They had always cared, but now was the first time she felt like she could really rely on them as friends.

Her powers had settled down and she had finally gotten her emotions under control. She had decided that maybe Raven wasn't there to teach her how to do anything new, but at least she could practice what she already knew how to do. She wasn't only going to meditate, but she was going to try to train herself to know the sensations and be able to use her powers, or at least the ones she knew about, as powerfully as she could. Then at least she wouldn't be so helpless when it came to her abilities, and maybe she would discover a few new abilities when she was using her older ones, the same way she had accidentally discovered her ability to read other peoples' memories.

She finished the chapter in her book and sighed.

Robin was at the computer, and she picked up her book and walked over to him a bit uneasily.

"Hey, uh, Robin…?" She wasn't sure what it would make him think, and she didn't want to explain to him why she wanted to work with her powers and still not go on any missions or anything…

"Hey, Dove."

"Could I use the obstacle course…?"

Robin turned from the computer he was working at and looked up at her. "Uh, yeah. Sure. But why? You're never with us on missions or anything."

"I want to practice using my powers. I'm kinda…" She stopped and tried to think of the best way to explain that she could control them now, but not really _control_ them when she was using her abilities. She shifted uncomfortably and sighed.

"Why do you look so... nervous? What's wrong?"

"Just... not really used to approaching you guys like this…"

"You don't need to be afraid. We won't push you out or anything for asking a question."

"Sorry, I just… Yeah, I'm not used to it."

"You don't need to apologize. And do you want us to come with you?"

"I'd really rather do this alone… At least until I get a better grip on my powers. But could you show me how to use it?"

"Sure." He got up. "It looks to me like you have a good grip on them now."

"Well, I mean more like... um… Being able to use them, I guess. Raven was – when she was here, at least – just trying to get me used to using them."

"Oh. Well, if you need any help, just… Wait, you don't have one."

"A what?"

He reached into his utility belt and pulled out his communicator. "One of these."

"Oh. I'm sure I don't need one… I mean, I'm not really a Teen Titan, just… I live here."

"Would you like to be one?"

Dove felt a rush of a strange mixture of excitement, fear, and confusion. "Y – I mean, no – I'm not – " She sighed. "I don't know. I'd like to help out, I really would, but… I can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm... a pacifist. And I'm not a fighter, _at all_. I'd be down and out before you even gave the commands. I mean, I really would like to protect the city and all, but there's still a huge part of me that belongs to Azarath, and... When I went on that mission with you guys, I-I was… crying. Really, really crying. It just… I was scared. I don't think I'd be able to handle it. I've been around peace my entire life, and the physical violence is just too much."

"Oh. Well, if you're sure…"

Dove nodded solemnly. "Yeah... I'm sure."

He nodded and put the communicator back in its place.

"So... Yeah… Sorry… Are we going to the obstacle course?"

"Sorry for what?"

"Well, I just… feel like a parasite right now… I'm just living off of you guys here at the tower and not even doing anyone any good."

"You were with – " Robin stopped himself there, unsure how to tell Dove without upsetting her.

"Don't worry about that, Robin… I'm fine – sort of… We can go now, right?''

Robin nodded and stood up before leading Dove outside. "So, uh... You want me to teach you how to use it?"

"Yes, please."

"You can't exactly do this yourself until you know how, so do you mind if I - ?"

"No, just… Yeah, I guess that's fine."

"The controls are up on the – "

"The platform, I know."

"You – "

"I see you guys doing it sometimes, you know, when Raven was teaching me about meditating and teaching me... You guys were doing it at the same time – um, training..."

"Dove, what's wrong? Why are you so – ?"

"I'm sort of… I don't know… I'm just still a bit upset about Raven, and… I'm nervous. I don't want to - to just… mess up really bad and-and... I'm just… Too many thoughts, that's all."

"What's wrong?"

"I... I don't know… Really, I'm not exactly sure… I'm just – I guess I'm nervous... I've never done this thing before… and it's really making me nervous about how I have just about no idea how to fight… I really don't have a fighting instinct."

"You'll be fine."

Dove blinked.

"Trust me. I'll go easy on you."

"So... there's absolutely no way I can do this… and be… _really_ alone?"

"Yes there is. I do that all the time. You just have to know how to use it. But I'd rather be sure you're going to be fine before I leave you alone. Come here." He led Dove up onto the platform. He showed her how to set up the course, put a time delay on the course, and how to go through it by giving her pointers on each item.

"So... uh… You can help me out on this, right...? I'm not trying to defeat anything, just get used to using my powers…"

"That's pretty much why _we_ use it. It helps us practice each of our own abilities."

"Okay, so, can I get some help? I mean, you guys make it all look easy, but I'm sure it's not really so… Yeah…"

Robin nodded. "I'll set up the course. Why don't you go stand in front of the platform and I'll be down as soon as I have it set."

Dove nodded and walked to a few feet in front of the platform a bit uneasily. "Focus," she whispered. "Don't let it bother you, it's not the end of the world if I mess up… Focus, focus, focus, find your center…" She sighed and took in a soft breath with her eyes closed. "Calm down... Azarath Metrion Zinthos…" She opened her eyes and exhaled softly. "Concentrate…" She forced herself to calm down and refused to let emotions enter her mind. "Focus…" Luckily, if there was one thing Raven had succeeded in teaching her, it was how to calm down when she was nervous. "It's not going to be that hard, right…?"

Robin came down and stood next to her as the timer lit up and began the countdown, each lower number bringing a small beep. "Ready?"

"I think…"

He nodded.

"Okay." She nodded to herself, instilling a subtle amount of confidence in her mind. _All I have to do is focus, and I'll be fine…_

The timer reached zero, and Robin took off. "Come on!" Dove followed him, then chanted "Azarath Metrion Zinthos" and rose shakily into the air. She levitated to his side and followed him. She shot forward, then gasped and nearly collided with a metal structure that sprang from the ground – she barely managed to pull to a halt in front of it.

"Dove - !"

She was shot backwards by a small laser beam emitted from its top and fell to the ground.

"You have to -" She stood up and threw up a shield of energy over herself just as it began shooting a volley of lasers her way.

"Dove, you need to avoid them!"

She looked his way a bit nervously.

"Come on!" He ran farther and dodged a few before the machine turned back to Dove and he stopped.

She gulped and let down her shield only to move her arms protectively over herself and toss up another. "I don't move that fast!"

"Then block them!" Robin called back. "Watch."

He ran a few feet back, making the machine rotate his way and shoot the beams towards him. Dove let her shield down again and saw him whip his staff from his belt and spinning it too fast to make out anything but a protective circle – which stopped the beams from colliding with him as he ran.

"I can't hold up a shield and move at the same time!"

"Then use evasive maneuvers." He ducked as he put his staff away and began running in a zig-zag to avoid them.

Dove sighed. "Ill try," she mumbled, then she looked into the air and focused on her being there, then she chanted the words again and levitated upwards, and she mimicked his pattern of motion and managed to dodge the lasers. Though her movements weren't exactly smooth and the way she imagined them due to her lack of experience, she still avoided being shot down.

Finally Robin stopped out of the range of the lasers, and Dove glided unsteadily to his side.

"Is that it?" Dove asked carefully.

"No." He nodded towards the eight thin cylinders rising from the ground. Some were an inch tall, others were taller than his body.

"What do _those_ do?" Dove asked.

"They connect invisible laser beams and send electronic signals to the monitor."

"What's the point of them?"

"To know where they are and figure out how to avoid them without a mirror. Give it a shot."

"Uh…" Dove looked around. "How am I supposed to know where they are?"

"That's part of the problem. Here, I think I can help you out." He pulled a small sphere from his utility belt and tossed it on the ground. It exploded with nothing more than a huge puff of smoke, and Dove coughed a bit as it swirled around them. When the dust cleared, every one of the red lines was visible. Each one began and ended at a different height, creating and impossibly intricate maze of beams.

"And I have to get through this?" Dove asked, completely amazed and disbelieving.

"It _is_ possible," he told her. "You just have to use your imagination."

"Do I have to do it the traditional way?" She looked thoughtfully at the cylinders.

"Not at all."

She nodded. "Then I think I have an idea..." She closed her eyes to recenter herself, then opened them and, eyes glowing with uneven white energy, she put up her right hand and shot a crackling beam of energy at the nearest cylinder. After a few moments, it collapsed with a small sizzle of electricity and a few of the beams faded away.

"I don't think I've ever seen anyone do it _that_ way before," Robin told her.

Dove shrugged and repeated the process on the other six.

"You're going to need to actually work on the next parts," he warned her.

"Do you think it's easy keeping these energies in control?" Dove replied as she shot the last one. "Believe me, you have _no idea._" The glow in her eyes faded as she let her arm down. "How, exactly, am I going to need to work? I mean – I'm not afraid of it, I just don't want to risk losing too much control…"

"That's understandable. You're just going to have to run through a few things to avoid being – "

"Run through _those_?" Dove blinked at the newest obstacle – a large object that looked like giant-sized replicas of the medieval guillotines – and gulped.

"It's not that hard. Just move under them as fast as you can."

Dove nodded and shook her head to push away her nerves, then rose into the air and sped towards them, Robin running up to her side and keeping time with her. They both sped up as they reached the obstacle, and Dove closed her eyes in desperation as the thing slammed down right behind her, her anxiety unwillingly giving her powers a bit of extra energy and sending her speeding ahead of Robin.

She had barely gotten under the third one when a giant shape shot up and knocked her from the sky. She hit the ground and stood up and tottered, a little dazed by the sudden hit.

"What was…?" She gasped and jumped back as she felt the ground rumble and barely managed to avoid another.

"Dove, move!" Robin called, and she blinked her sense of balance back and her vision cleared. She heard the ground breaking below her, and let out a startled yelp as she saw it dividing and revealing a steel pit. The ground wrenched her balance away and she fell towards it.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" She screamed the words and shot from the air with a streak of energy following her. "Are you trying to kill me?!" she yelled at Robin before swerving to a halt in front of another shape that sprang from the ground.

"I warned you!" he replied before dodging the pit by shooting his grappling hook onto one of the shapes and swinging over it.

"About what? The fact that the ground was about to split, or the – " She landed and saw another shape appear, about half her height with a disc-like top and a thick slit in its side. It charged up –

"Great. More deadly firing objects," she murmured before jumping out of the way of a large disc about the size of her hand and saw it land on the ground with an explosion that she felt the heat of even a few feet away. "_Exploding_ deadly firing objects. Oh. Fun." She made a small noise of exertion as she jumped out of the way again and took to the air. "Robin, I can't keep this up forever!" she shouted breathlessly.

"This is the last part," he told her before throwing his own exploding disc at it and it exploded. He walked over to it and she landed heavily and nearly collapsed.

Dove bent over to catch her breath. "That was… It was… Oh, Azar…"

"You okay?"

Dove sighed. "Yeah, just winded… I'll be fine…" She stood up and rubbed her arm where the explosion had singed her skin a bit. "Wow… I've never really used my powers like that… I mean… Not to… That was just weird for me."

"But you made it through."

"Not on my own… I'm not very good at using my powers _at all_. If you weren't there, I think I'd be unconscious."

"We can just do targets if you want."

"Yeah, that'd be nice…"

Robin nodded and went back to the platform. Dove watched as a few shapes with red and white targets sprang up.

Robin came back down and she blinked. "Uh…"

"All you have to do is aim."

"I know… I'm just… Telekinesis isn't my strong point…"

"Raven was a little shaky with it when she first came to the team, too. You'll get better with practice."

"If you say so." She sighed.

"You can start whenever you're ready."

Dove nodded, then looked around. "So, I can use whatever I can pick up, right…?"

"Right."

Dove saw a small rock about the size of her palm and closed her eyes, thinking about how Raven had instructed her to do this so many times. _Find your center… Focus your energy…_ She opened her eyes and chanted, slowly and carefully, "Azarath Metrion Zinthos." Her eyes began glowing white. She concentrated her energy and it encased the rock in a crackling white glow. _It's a part of me, and I'm part of it… I'm putting a bit of my soul into it…_ She lifted her hand, shakily bringing the rock with it. _Keep a vivid image of what you want it to do, and keep control of it…_ She flicked her hand, and the rock flew through the air. Dove focused on the rock, what she wanted it to do, where she wanted it to go…

The rock landed about an inch from the nearest target. Dove blinked.

"Keep going," Robin told her.

Dove nodded and picked up another rock with her powers and did it all over again, slowly bringing it up and, keeping control of it as flew through the air, flicking her hand. This time she guided the rock with her powers instead of just flinging it. She looked at the target, her entire mind focused on getting the rock to go where she wanted it to. It collided with the target's edge and Dove released her power's hold on it, causing it to fall to the ground.

A bit more confidence flared up inside her, and she picked up another before making it fly through the air. This time it hit the second ring. She let a small grin slip onto her face, then closed her eyes and shook her head to clear away thought. _Stay focused…_

She picked up another rock and let it hover for awhile, feeling a little shaky for some reason. She moved her hand slightly to the left, causing the rock to shoot off, and winced, realizing her powers had slipped. The rock landed in the water.

"Uh, what were you doing?"

"Just trying to see if I could make it go _any_where… I have no idea how good I am yet, and I know I have limits, I just need to see where they are… Apparently I don't have much control yet…"

"Yet being the key word. I'm sure if you practice, you'll get better."

"That's what everyone says…" She sighed before picking up another rock. It shook as it rose like all the others, and she couldn't help wondering how long it would take for her to _really_ control her powers.

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_**-Raven's secret-keeper**_


	7. World of Nightmares

_You'll be happy to know that I seem to be unable to keep from updating with longer chapters… Three long chaps in a row – new record for RSK! Well, this one's fuller, at least…_

_Read and Review,_

_**Raven's secret-keeper**_

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_**Missing: Raven**_

_**Chapter 7: World of Nightmares**_

_Dove was standing in the shadows in a room she didn't recognize, but she wasn't worried, confused, or feeling like she shouldn't be there in any way. Half of the entire large space was in a strange and foreboding – yet undaunting to Dove – shadow, and the walls were concrete, the floor a natural dirt. A noise erupted near the door, the only thing in the room, and she turned her head. The door flew open and two figures entered the room. One was Raven, the other was an unrecognizable person clad in a white hooded robe. Raven hardly took two steps before she shot into the air and hovered in the middle of the room. The figure tilted its head up and followed swiftly. Dove watched the scene unfolding in front of her numbly, unemotionally, indifferently. The figure flew up to Raven and lunged at her, but she dodged it and threw a ray of energy at it and tried to fly back to the door. The person shot in front of her, blocking the exit and causing Raven to nearly collide with them. The other shot a ray of blinding white energy at her and she dodged it, then they fired again and hit her. She was a bit dazed and began falling – then recovered herself and swerved up just before hitting the floor. Again the stranger shot towards Raven and she avoided it, but this time the person fired again and hit Raven while she was still moving. The contact stunned her and she was knocked unconscious, causing her to fall to the floor._

_Dove moved a few inches for a better view. The figure hovered still for a few seconds, watching her attentively, and then soared down to her unmoving body. Dove tilted her head curiously and watched as the figure picked her up and carried her out the door. She followed the figure into a hall much like the room and walked into a much smaller space with a crack in the wall. The person put Raven on the ground and watched her for a few minutes. Dove hummed a tuneless song to herself, waiting for something to happen. After a while, Raven stirred and moaned softly before sitting up with her head in her hand. She looked up at the person wearily. The person stared at her for a moment and seemed to have Raven in a trance – when she tried to get up, she froze and blinked her eyes a few times as if trying to clear her vision, then moaned and bowed her head. The figure kneeled in front of her and looked into her eyes before lifting her chin up with their first two fingers. Dove watched thoughtfully and couldn't help becoming slightly interested in what was going on. Raven expelled a breath and began breathing heavily. The figure chuckled a bit, then picked her up and ran their finger along the crack. It spider-webbed out until it reached the ceiling, then the entire wall collapsed into the room, revealing a metal wall with clamps lying behind it in a secret room. Dove raised her cloak against the dust, then lowered her arm and heard Raven gasp. The person lifted her – she tried struggling a lot, to no avail – and locked her arms and legs in place before lowering the metal and places it on the dirt. Raven struggled again and chanted Azarath Metrion Zinthos, but nothing happened. The person reached into the folds of their robe and pulled out something – a shimmer of light glinted off the metal of a crooked knife. Raven gasped. The person began staring at Raven intensely, and Raven blinked. The figure kneeled next to her and took the knife to her shoulders. She groaned and tried to pull away, but the person slit all the down to her wrist. Dove tilted her head at the blood beginning to seep through Raven's clothes._

_The person stood up and surveyed their work before kneeling again on her other side and repeating their tactics. Raven tensed and moaned tightly, the__n her breaths began coming in great gasping gulps. The being continued to perform acts of torture upon Raven – some of them with the knife, others involving pressing a steaming piece of metal, somehow pulled from the dirt, on her skin, and others still performed by blowing the dirt up in a cloud and whispering inaudible words – making the dust change to a black color – and blowing onto Raven, who began coughing and strained against the clasps holding her down. The person put up their finger towards Raven and chanted once more, and a shadow-like entity flew from it and straight to Raven. The person moved their finger ever so slightly and moved it around Raven's body, leaving an artful scorching black and red mark wherever it trailed. Suddenly they flicked their finger back to their hand and Raven gasped. The person tilted their head, and reached into their robe once more, withdrawing a bottle of a strange transparent green liquid. The person looked into Raven's eyes for a moment, and Raven warily eyed them back._

_Dove sensed Raven's pain as all of it happened, yet somehow it seemed much more foreign than her empathy allowed, and it seemed entirely ignorable, even though Raven was obviously in intense pain._

_The being walked behind Raven's head on the floor and moved the metal plate she was on up against the wall, propping Raven up with it. She moaned, and Dove could weakly sense her feeling a bit dizzy. The person poured the green liquid onto the black and red marks left by their strange energies and the knife, and Raven's face contorted in pain. She began moaning tensely and loudly, struggling more than ever to break free. The marks began spreading over Raven's body, and her clothes - and in some places, skin - was beginning to burn off as if the liquid was acid, leaving unnatural black scorch marks on her and a heavy sulfuric scent hanging heavily in the air. __Suddenly Dove began feeling just a bit sick at the excessive torture and felt Raven's soul leaving her body – _

Dove gasped sharply and shot up in her bed. She gulped uneasily and blinked before she began gasping for breath. Though her dream self had almost no feelings, she was completely afraid, and her body was tense and alert. She swallowed again and began feeling sick again. The images in her dream – if that's what it was – were so vivid and real, not to mention hard on her stomach, and her squeamish side was beginning to show through all her other feelings.

And then the anxiety set in. She began realizing the possibilities that it may have been _real_.

She gulped once more and tried to catch her breath a few more times before getting up, shakily putting on a cloak, and exiting the room.

She walked down the labyrinthine halls of Titans' Tower slowly and unsteadily. She was still feeling a bit of leftover fear, and her breaths were coming as shakily as her steps.

She stopped and looked left and right a couple of times, taking a moment to recollect herself. And remember which way Raven's room was…

She sighed softly and started off again. When she reached the window in the hall, she jumped uneasily at a drop of rain that fell against the window. She looked out into the clouded-over night sky and saw a few more drops hit before rain began pouring down. She looked up in the clouds as lightning lit up the sky. Thunder crashed and she cringed and bit her lip before forcing herself to continue on towards her sister's room.

She finally reached the door marked RAVEN and knocked softly. In her anxiety and fear from the dream, she had completely forgotten that Raven wasn't even in the tower. There not being an answer, she knocked again, a bit louder this time.

"Raven?" She gulped and closed her eyes. She chanted Azarath Metrion Zinthos under her breath to help herself calm down at least a bit and get her powers under reign, then she opened her eyes and chanted it again, louder this time. She used her powers to unlock the door – but it wasn't locked, just unopened, and she felt the unexpected gap in between the door and the wall and felt her powers reach the empty space, and when she opened the door with a bit too much force she heard it slam into the wall and yelped softly.  
Dove looked around sheepishly, then sighed and recovered herself – it had all been a little too fast for her to comprehend and understand – before stepping into the room. She looked around and noticed Raven wasn't in the bed and she began feeling a little confused and anxious, now really worrying that her dream _had_ come true.  
_Did it really happen? She's not here... Raven's gone._

Then she had a flashback of when she had first realized it, and her memory and sense returned so suddenly she gasped softly and stepped back. She looked at the bed and bowed her head with a sigh, remembering the past two weeks and her missing for Raven returned. She sighed and headed back to her own room. She couldn't help looking out the window again as she passed it in the hall, feeling her longing for Raven's presence return to her. She began worrying, once more wondering exactly what was going on with Raven and unable to keep herself from thinking that it was a vision…

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Dove sighed as she sat down on the couch with her cup of tea in her hands.

"Hey, Dove, are you alright?" Beast Boy asked. Her expression was one he had never seen on her face but Raven had worn it a couple of times – a look of pain that they had tried to numb and it didn't work.

Dove shrugged and took a sip of her tea. "I... just had a rough night."

"What happened?" Robin asked and he turned his head from the TV.

"I had a bad dream about Raven..."

"What happened in it?"

Dove blinked and took another sip. "It's just… She was… She fought this person – I couldn't tell who, so don't ask – and they hit her, and she was fainted for a little bit, and they took her into this room and began torturing, a lot, her until... she…" Dove closed her eyes and sighed again. She closed her eyes and took a soft breath. "She died."

"What?"

"Raven died."

She felt the pressing stares of the others and closed her eyes.

"It wasn't a... a vision, was it?" Beast Boy asked.

"I'm praying not," Dove whispered. Then she spoke up. "I don't know… It was so… life-like and vivid… But I've never really had that sort of vision before, only - just once… and never while I was sleeping…"

"Perhaps it was merely your imagination taking a bit too much flight."

"I don't know, Starfire… Maybe it was…"

"Is there any way to be sure?" Robin asked.

Dove shook her head. "If she _was_ here, she'd be able to tell me, but…"

"So what do we do now?" Cyborg asked.

Dove sighed heavily and put the cup to her lips again. "Praise whoever has an answer."

The others glanced at each other uneasily.

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_**-Raven's secret-keeper**_


	8. Renewal

_Heh... I get a huge Raven-fan thing going in this chapter…_

– _For a more detailed story on and explanation of Dove's Azrathean life, prevention of discovery, etc. see Dove's Character Bio, chapter 2_

– _Coman is/was Azarath's high-magistrate (main ruler)_

– _Arella was Raven's mother_

– _Arella's pregnancy with Raven was brutally painful (being a demon's wife) (if you need to know how that worked – Trigon shape-shifted and disguised himself and didn't reveal his true form to Arella until the deed was done)_

– _Azarath's skies were supposed to darken on the day of Raven's birth and many other things supposedly happened – I'm not so sure though since Azarath was still amazingly beautiful in "The Prophecy" episode…_

_Read and Review,_

_**Raven's secret-keeper**_

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_**Missing: Raven**_

_**Chapter 8: Renewal**_

Dove was in her room unable to sleep. She was lying on her bed on her stomach facing her wall, and opened but unread book in front of her. She was letting her tears fall and praying that Raven was okay as she looked numbly out her window at the dark night, unsure and extremely worried that something bad had happened to her sister.  
She gasped as her door opened and bolted up.

"Dove?"

Dove gasped and turned around, her face amazed and her eyes wide and alert.

"_**Raven!**_" A smile exploded onto her face and she ran to her sister before throwing her arms around her body. "I can't believe it – after – Oh my – Raven…" She closed her eyes tightly and almost immediately began sobbing.

Raven was startled by all the sudden movement and blinked. "Dove, what - ? You're – Why do you seem so – ?"

"Raven, last night I had a dream and it felt so real and it seemed like a vision - I thought you were killed!" A flicker of energy flew away from Dove's body and Dove took a shaky breath to try and calm down.

"Uh – "

"Thank Azar, Raven... You're okay…"

"For the most part…"

"What happened?" Dove looked up at Raven's face, her eyes suddenly worried.

"I found… Dove, have you ever heard of the crystals?"

"Huh?"

"The Azarathean Crystals."

"Sort of. There was a footnote in a book once and Srentha mentioned them, but that's about it." She wiped a tear off her face.

"Basically, they're extremely powerful gems that aren't even supposed to exist anymore, but I read that they _were_ still – "

"So, what about them? What took you so long? You were gone for more than two weeks!"

"I found the crystals."

"What's so important about them that you had to leave immediately without telling anyone about it?"

"They can be extremely destructive, and if they aren't collected before someone else finds them, they could be used to destroy entire dimensions, many at a time."

"Why are they called the Azarathean Crystals?"

"They were created with Azar's magic. No one really knows if it was by Azar herself or not, but – "

"It's still a possibility?"

Raven nodded. "Dove, could you - ?"

"Oh, yeah... Sorry." Dove released Raven from her grip. "It's just – You've been gone for so long, and we were all getting so worried and we thought that you were… you know, hurt or something a lot worse…"

"I'm fine, Dove."

"What was that you said before? For the most part or something. Why?"

"I can't get to the crystals."

"Why not? Is that a problem?"

"It can be. They've been hidden for a long time, but they _are_ extremely powerful and could be extremely devastating in the wrong hands. I think the book said something about them being destructive if not seen by Azarathean eyes for a century. And I've seen too many spells capable of locating whatever the user desires to just ignore it and leave them alone."

"Raven... If you can't get in, why would anyone else be able to? I mean, you probably know more about them than – "

"Not really."

"Wha…?"

"Few people even know they exist."

"So how could people find them?"

"I'm not sure, but I have a feeling it would be a lot better if I had them out of the chamber…"

"What kind of feeling?"

"I read something about them and I just felt that I had to find them. It was distant and not exactly clear, but…"

"So, was it a foreboding or a warning?"

"I'm not sure… But I know I need to find them before someone else does."

"But you just said – Why can't you?"

"I… I'm not sure… I really don't know much about them."

"Are you ever going to be able to?"

"I will if I find enough information."

"Okay... I can't believe it… You were gone and with everything that happened until now, it's amazing that you're still here, in one piece and we're all still alive."

"Why? What happened while I was gone?"

"I sort of… lost control of my powers... a lot… and I was really getting too upset to get them back under control. And that dream just last night, and the way my entire mind was just thrown into a typhoon. My emotions were all over the place, and – "

"You don't mean literally, do you?"

"No. I mean I couldn't control my emotions. And when I found Beast Boy and Cyborg inside my mind – you know, the mirror – and there was this manifestation of my… I'm not really sure, but they sort of helped me defeat it, and then I guess I thought everything would be fine until last night…"

"Anything else?"

"Well, yeah, actually… I started practicing my powers on the obstacle course, and I'm getting pretty good at controlling myself."

"Right. That's why you just–"

"Raven, you just got home from this impossible-to-learn-about journey, and for all we know, you could have been killed! What else could you expect?" Dove blinked at Raven, seeming a bit hurt.

"Self-control. Dove, don't be upset. I'm only saying that you need to control yourself at all times. That outburst could have any effect on your powers, and being in control of our emotions at all times is one of the most important things both you and I could possibly learn."

"I… I'm sorry… I'm just so… It was so much of a surprise… Raven, I can't even begin to describe the suspense I was feeling and the joy I feel now…"

"Dove… Don't hate me for this, but you shouldn't let yourself get this joyous."

"It's just too hard…"

"But it's possible. Believe me, I know. It's going to take a long time to get used to it."

Dove sighed. "I'm sorry…"

"Just... try to control yourself better next time."

Dove bowed her head. "Raven, why do we have to be so cold...?"

"You know why, Dove."

Dove sighed and looked up at Raven. "I know we need to control our emotions, but... It just feels so wrong…"

"I know, but it's the way it has to be if we don't want to let our powers take over."

Dove sighed heavily. "There's no way to change it…?"

"Well… not for you…"

"And you?"

"I'm… I was cleansed of his influence when I became the portal…"

"Like in that ancient prophecy?"

"Exactly."

"So, it really _did_ become the end of the world here?"

Raven nodded.

"How does that work…? I mean, you're not – How is it possible?"

"The prophecy was pretty much the sole purpose of my existance, the entire reason I was conceived and born… and when I fulfilled my destiny, he no longer needed me. His influence was…"

"If you don't have his influence, how do you still have your powers?"

"It's been over a year and I'm still not exactly sure, but everything turned out fine. Because they were mine, not his, I think…"

Dove's eyes brightened, then she sighed. "But there's not a way to do that for me, _is_ there…"

"I'm sorry, Dove."

Dove swallowed a sob and bit back her tears threatening to fall. "I really wish I could change it…"

"Dove, please don't get like this." She reached up and gently wiped a tear from Dove's face. "I promise everything will be fine when you have your powers under control. It'll just take some work and a lot of practice."

"Yeah, but control won't change the darkness in my soul, or the constant mental battle I have to endure, or the fact that if I lose control, I'll unleash – "

"Dove, I know what you mean, but… it's just something you have to endure. I _do_ wish that there was a way to help you, but… I'm sorry. He never even knew you existed." Raven looked at Dove sympathetically, then her expression changed. "How exactly did that happen?"

"My mother used a lot of spells, and she kept in touch with your mother."

"She did?"

"You wouldn't know… but Arella was pretty much the only reason my mom had any clue what to _do_ with me."

"How did she talk to Arella? She lived in the Temple, Dove."

"My mother was always sure to go to every little thing held in the Temple just so she could talk to Arella and ask her things about you and Azar."

"My mother never knew exactly what Azar – "

"Yeah, she told me, and that's pretty much why I completely lack training. My mother had no idea how to train me, only what to tell me I needed to do. Then again, all of Azarath knew about you and your need for emotional control from the minute you were born except us… Coming in a year and a half after your birth kept – "

"Speaking of birth, how did your mother manage to get into Azarath and be pregnant with you for nine months without anyone knowing?"

"Oh. Raven, people knew she was pregnant. She just pretended it was a miscarriage and told people she didn't have a child whenever asked."

"How did she bear it? When Arella was – even when I was born, it was impossible for anyone in Azarath to not know."

Dove shrugged. "She always told me she avoided leaving the house until Coman came and told her about this one – this meeting – " Dove yawned widely.

"Maybe you should get some sleep."

Dove nodded. "When are you going to tell the others?"

"Most likely tomorrow morning."

Dove nodded. "Okay… Wow… Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

"Do you promise you'll still be here in the morning?"

"I promise," Raven said softly, then Dove nodded and took one last look at Raven before heading back into her bed and, for the first time in too long, she slept easily as if there was not a care in the world and none had ever existed.

_**The End**_

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_How'd I do with this story? Did I manage good character development? (For Dove I mean.) Did I at least get the point that she's realizing things about herself for the first time? What did you think about that last conversation?_

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_**-Raven's secret-keeper**_


	9. Epilogue: Goodnight

_This isn't actually part of the story, but it fits it perfectly. It's another song - it's kinda short and has no stanzas, but it's still a good song._

_Read and Review,_

_**Raven's secret-keeper**_

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_**Missing: Raven**_

**_Epilogue: Goodnight_**

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_**Goodnight**_

_by Evanescence_

Goodnight, sleep tight 

No more tears

in the morning I'll be here

and when we say goodnight,

dry your eyes

Because we said goodnight

and not goodbye,

we said goodnight

and not goodbye

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**_Raven's secret-keeper_**

_P.S. This story was **not** a songfic._


	10. Teaser: Toes Trilogy II

_**Check out part two of this story! Officially posted!**_

_**Toes Trilogy II: Dove's Dark Discovery: Fraying the Ends of Sanity**_

Since Raven returned from her searching, Dove has been extremely contented and feels impossibly at peace with all. But when thing start getting a little weird, Dove starts losing control in a whole new way. Soon it becomes about more than just her powers – suddenly they're the least of her worries. She obviously needs help, but even Raven doesn't know what's happening – Dove refuses to talk about it, making matters worse, especially when she tries to right the wrongs she's done. All leads to disaster.

_Thank you for reading,_

_**Raven's secret-keeper**_


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